Saturday I went on a JMU alumni bus trip to Hofstra University on Long Island to catch the JMU football Dukes. At least that was my original intention.

Instead, I got blackout drunk on the bus, puked like the total embarassment that I am, and only caught a few minutes of football.

To those who looked out for me, I appreciate it. To those who tolerated me, I can only imagine the inconvenience of my existence. And to everyone involved, I am quite sorry.

I've had some terrible drunks before, but congratulations hofstra trip, you've just made my top five overall worst drinking mishaps:

The Boat Oar Incident - sophomore year of highschool, I got into a drunken boat oar fight, and ended up bloody and throwing up fish and chips. My parents couldn't wake me up and I almost had to have my stomach pumped. Matt just recently told me that the reason I puked uncontrollably while being passed out cold, was most likely due to my "masking my liquor scent" by rubbing deoderant on my tongue and spraying cologne in my mouth. The next morning I could barely stand without swaying as I had to fake health at my cousins wedding.
JMU at Hofstra Trip - 10/01/05...unconscious vomiting...the EMT's were called...and I had to work the next morning. ->pictures...
Waking up on the Side of Port Republic - 10/3/2003...I woke up, freezing and fully scared, on the side of Port Republic Road overlooking Rt. 81 after a night that included Ed's birthday party, and visitors: Matt, Ben, Allison, Gilligan and Marissa. ->details...
21st Bday - 04/28/05...Everything was great until I got too drunk and wandered off as is my want. I tried to find shelter in a playground, climbed a tall fence and fell from the top, injuring my shoulder to the point that it was immobile for a few days. My shoulder remains to this day, noticeably out of place, and I still can't sleep on my right side. ->audio...
St Patricks Day 2004 and 2005 - 03/17/04 & 05...Neither of these drinking mishaps is incredibly controversial on their own, but both included full days of drinking...leading to getting asked to leave my night class in 2004 / waking up in the woods next to a rehab center in 2005. ->2004 recap... | ->2005 pics...

Now don't get me wrong and think that I'm proud of all of this. any inkling of maturity gained from being a productive member of the corporate workforce, has lost any standing as has the dignity i never really claimed to have had.

If you're into self-righteous condescension, have your field day. I am aware that these exploits are more sad than funny. But it's a little bit funny, and personally i like laughing.

danwho kissed you on the nose on 10.02.05 @ 09:43 PM [link]